Malawi Day 13

6/29/13

     Friday’s are our rest days here is Malawi. They sound like a luxury, but they have happened to be 100% necessary with the busy schedules we have. I am finally on Malawi time, but I am so use to early mornings that sleeping in doesn’t come easy. I got up at about 7:30, made myself breakfast, and did some reading. I had my first experience doing laundry today, which takes two hours in the small washing machine and then you have to walk around the back of the house to the clothes line to hang dry your clothes. Believe it or not I LOVED hanging up my clothes! Krysti; one of my team members told me I probably just like it because the backyard acts as a gigantic closet, with all my clothes neatly hung up and dancing in the wind. I will never again complain about doing my laundry, with it taking only about an hour of my day. I am adjusting to all of my clothes feeling rough and scratchy from life without a dryer, but I am deeply thankful that they are clean. 

Even though Fridays are supposed to be free of plans we actually had a worship night to go to. Our friend Humphreys was performing and he asked us to go support the Flood band. We didn’t really know what we were getting into but it was nice to get dressed, and out of the house. When we arrived I saw that it was held in a large wedding style tent outside, this scared me since winter nights in Malawi are harsh. I usually bundle up every night just for bed and now we were going to be at this church service for who knows how long. The start of the event was fantastic; it was completely refreshing to spend sometime in worship. Then there were some dance, rap, and spoken word performances that were so impressive. The whole point was to show the group how people use their talents to glorify God. A speaker came up next and gave a great sermon that I can hardly remember because I was colder than I’ve ever been.

The next few lines are going to sound a bit dramatic but I promise that they are not exaggerated AT ALL. I was wearing a thin maxi skirt, sandals, and a light cover up. The speaker went on for about an hour, I was so cold I was actually getting angry. I have never experienced what being that cold can do to a person, but last night I did. I couldn’t feel my feet, goose bumps covered my entire body, no matter how tightly I held myself there was no relief, I actually started to tear up at one point but chocked it back since I was in the front row and the sermon was still going on. I actually caught myself audibly groaning a few times. I started praying that the sermon would end and contemplated asking my host if we could just get up and leave in the middle of the talk. I kept toughing it out, and finally it looked like the sermon was ending and then someone got up to pray and that got lengthy as well. The worship band came up to sing two more songs and I just couldn’t take it anymore so I decided to sit down in a ball until the songs, and ending announcements were over. Krysti and I RAN to the car immediately after the service ended and cranked up the heat. She admitted to me that she had been crying a little as well, so that made me feel like less of a wimp. We just sat there, complained and un-thawed together. I am constantly reminded of how weak I am, and also how privileged I have been at times. My prayer is to be tougher and to be able to put mind over matter. I kept looking around me in amazement at all of the others contently sitting in this tent of ice. I admitted that I rarely get this upset about things, or complain openly, but this was an exception.

I started to un-thaw after a few minutes in the car and I swear my heartbeat sped up a little. We started our drive home and all four of us just talked about how long and cold our night had been, and how we would have dressed if we would have known earlier what we were in for. Edith; our host and driver pointed out some girls on the side of the road and said, “Imagine how cold they are with what they’re wearing.” I slowly opened my eyes and saw a whole street lined with prostitutes, wearing extremely small outfits.

My heart instantly broke into a million pieces.

If I was freezing in my outfit that covered everything but my face their physical pain must be excruciating. Then I thought about what their lives must be like being in that line of work and having to work the streets in the cold winter nights. I wanted to get out of the car and tell them that Jesus loves them so much, and then offer them a hot meal and somewhere to sleep. I don’t have anything to offer here though and that made me feel helpless. I instantly felt ashamed for all of my complaining. Again I am left with the thought, why them? Why not me? How did my life get to be so good? How did they end up selling themselves for money? How did I avoid that fate?

Jesus.

That is the only answer I have. I wish I knew more, I wish I knew how to fix their problems, but I don’t and I think that is part of being a human. We will never have all the answers, and that is a good thing. Only God needs to know what is going on with every thing, and every human in the world. The ignorance we have is built-in so that we will come running to Him with our questions and needs instead of relying on ourselves for answers. We constantly need to be reminded that we are not in control.

A few days ago I learned about a ministry called African Enterprise that gets women off the streets and offers them a place to live, and a program to go though for a certain amount of time that gets them clean, teaches them about Jesus, and teaches them how to sew. My jaw dropped when I heard about this ministry. The first thing I said was, “Where can I sign up!? “ The program is meant to rehabilitate these women and teach them a skill that can become their main source of income when they have completed the program.

I fell in love with the idea.

During our morning devotion the other day Pastor Sean told us to be looking for the things in life that break our hearts, because that is what God has called us to focus on. Everyone’s heart is broken for a different cause, we are not all the same and that is a beautiful thing. When something breaks our heart we are called to work on fixing it. By fixing that one injustice we are helping the world become a better place, more focused on Jesus and less on sin.

The day we went to the village I saw that the kid’s clothes were all tattered and I thought I could definitely do something about that with the talents that I have been given. I could sew new school uniforms for the kids in the orphanage, easy. Although the idea was good, and I could tell God smiled upon it, it didn’t necessarily break my heart. The idea of prostitution, rape, and women not knowing how valuable they are in the eyes of their Heavenly Father DOES break my heart. It breaks my heart so much that I hesitate even going there, I am not sure that I would even be able to handle a ministry that heavy. It hurts to even think about, and sometimes it is easier just to push out of my mind. That to me is a sign that this is something God has given me compassion for, something that breaks my heart because it breaks His heart.

When I heard about African Enterprises I was inspired. This is a ministry that combines the rehabilitation of women, as well as my love for sewing. I am interested in giving people skills that they can use for the rest of their lives, not just giving them charity. I still want to make uniforms for the kids, children are innocent; they can’t have jobs or fend for themselves, so I don’t really see that as a hand out as much as taking care of their basic human needs for clothing. But being a part of teaching someone a skill that will allow them to make a living for the rest of their lives is in incredible honor.

They will feel worth and accomplishment. They will be able to experience creative design and purpose. They will be able to clothe themselves, their families, and their clients. I am in love with this idea. I am so glad that Pastor Sean challenged us with finding our cause and purpose, because otherwise I would have been far too scared to even approach the idea of helping women who have lost their way, and feel they have no other options than to sell themselves to live. I have a friend who is studying to be a therapist who deals specially with sexual abuse patients because she herself has been affected by this sin. When she told me that this was her purpose and goal after college I was in awe. I remember thinking that she must be so strong, and that I was just not made for something that harsh. I have been told a few times by a few people that I am thin skinned, weak, sensitive, or too empathetic. Now I renounce those lies and can realize that yes I do feel peoples pain easily but that is a gift, and I can use that to help people though some of the toughest days of their lives if I allow God to do His work though me and break down the walls that I have spent 22 year building up.